random archive ask me rss
MY HEAD IS A BOX FULL OF NOTHING
via  -liarparadox  (originally  -liarparadox)
1 day ago on 20 April 2014 @ 6:47am 4,115 notes

Actual Quotes from my Dad (An English Teacher)

  • Dad: Why the hell did you put a comma there?
  • Dad: Do you even know what a participial phrase is?
  • Dad: Omg. He's like my favorite character of all time.
  • Dad: Who should I dress up as for the movie premier?
  • Dad: Hey are you awak? I know it's late, but you read Animal Farm, right? Yeah. I need you to read this report. I can't tell if I am just super tired or if this is actual bullshit.
  • Dad: Alesha wouldn't be able to spell 'definitely' right if wrote it down for her. She would fucking erase it and then write 'defiantly', because she doesn't care. I hate her.
  • Dad: I need you to bake brownies. I lost a bet.
  • Dad: Omg. You cannot ship me with Gilcher. You know I don't like tattoos and he's like twenty-five. And for Christ's sake, he teaches math.
  • Dad: Omg. Gilcher said the funniest thing today.
  • Dad: Mrs. Ashworth and I have decided to start a band. It'll be called Great Expectations.
  • Dad: It's like you didn't read the fucking book.
  • Dad: Okay. So this week you're reading this book I stole from Mrs. Ashworth's. It's like sixty pages long, but you'll love it.
  • Dad: *puts books on my bed for me to read everyday and demands that I read them*
  • Dad: My son doesn't like reading. I have not only failed him, but society. You aren't my son. Leave.
  • Dad: Okay. So you're getting books for Christmas. All of you. I get discounts on them since I'm a teacher, and since I'm a teacher, it's all I can afford, so...
  • Dad: Fucking standardized testing can go fuck itself in the ass.
  • Dad: I have to teach for the required testing instead of what they really need to know.
  • Dad: Fuck the government.
  • Dad: Fuck the school board.
  • Dad: Close the door.
  • Dad: Charles Dickens was so fucking pretentious, and I hate him, but he also caused change, but he's such a Dick. Ha. DICKens.
  • Dad: I love puns.
  • Dad: People who say sarcasm is the lowest form of humor are assholes.
  • Dad: Please shut up.
  • Dad: Catching Fire was the worst book but the best movie and that feels weird.
  • Dad: I wouldn't get so mad when you call me at school if you didn't change your ringtones to inappropriate rap music.
  • Dad: I fucking hate Alesha. She asked what countries were apart of Austria-Hungary today and I almost told her to get out.
  • Dad: You cannot visit my school in a dress that short. There are boys there.
  • Dad: Barbra Parks is fucking Queen.
  • Dad: I need you to make me a good, relaxing playlist for silent reading. I'm too lazy.
  • Dad: If I have to watch two of my students grind on each other at one more dance, I will kill them both.
  • Dad: They act like I care what they think.
  • Dad: I hate homework.
  • Dad: I have decided to become a politician.
  • Dad: What's the one book with the guys and the one kills the other and the chick without a name who dies and the short angry man? Mouseman? Oh my fucking gosh. Of Mice and Men. I have failed.
via  snarkitysharkity  (originally  thisisanatattack)
1 day ago on 20 April 2014 @ 6:44am 103,194 notes

pixalry:

Middle Earth Travel Posters - Created by The Green Dragon Inn

Prints are available for sale on Etsy.

tagged   AMAZING  
via  sinisterlava  (originally  pixalry)
1 week ago on 11 April 2014 @ 12:45am 28,009 notes
via  snarkitysharkity  (originally  artparkinsons)
3 weeks ago on 25 March 2014 @ 1:29am 5,867 notes
via  snarkitysharkity  (originally  austaniteatsea3)
3 weeks ago on 25 March 2014 @ 1:27am 2,969 notes
via  holdmecloser-tonydanza  (originally  paralysedbeaver)
2 months ago on 16 February 2014 @ 4:22am 494,553 notes
via  tributefromdistrict12-  (originally  daily99)
2 months ago on 16 February 2014 @ 3:04am 26,606 notes
Hi, i see you got a illestomy removal what was your recovery like? im due to get mine in the next couple of months!

Hi! Surprisingly, my recovery from my ileostomy wasn’t as bad as I imagined it would be. After surgery, it definitely took a few days for me to feel human again, though I was up and moving around the day after surgery. I had a ton of bruising but honestly it went away pretty quickly. The nurses will change your bag the first few times so definitely try and pay attention/ask questions if you can and aren’t too drugged up lol.  While it was super annoying to have the bag, I experienced almost no symptoms of crohn’s/IBD while I had it. It was so weird to be able to eat and enjoy food. Changing the bag is kind of troublesome but my mom helped me the first few times and it went okay. Are you getting a reversal? My reversal recovery was so much faster than my initial ostomy surgery. 

2 months ago on 14 February 2014 @ 7:54pm
It was agreed that, while Valentine’s was bullshit and MTV was the epitome of corporate evil, driving a stake through the heart of an animal procured in Chinatown was clearly the best way to make something punk out of an unpunk situation.
via  stecklr  (originally  stecklr)
2 months ago on 14 February 2014 @ 6:18pm 2 notes

destiel-what-hellyea:

Snow day, time for Risk. Lord of the Rings style

NO THIS GAME RUINS FAMILIES

via  captainacosta  (originally  destiel-what-hellyea)
2 months ago on 14 February 2014 @ 1:55am 10 notes